Listen to Yourself

Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love said something that literally made me back up and take a moment. She said, and I am paraphrasing,  "Your highest self never speaks to you while it is wagging its finger of judgement at you.  It tells you, always, that you are magnificent, you are loved, you are light, and you got this."  These words literally made my fears and worries tremble.  My insecurities whimpered knowing the gig was up.  Their incompetence had been found out.

My gremlins, as Brene' Brown puts it, had no where to run. They had no power behind their unrelenting voice of self-judgement and negative self-talk.  For so long I walked this Earth carrying dark and deep rooted ideas that I am weak and lacking.  Something finally clicked that told me those thoughts do not represent my true light and do not define me.  They are there in my mind like bullies waiting in the hall.   While my spirit sings, they laugh and say, "Who do you think you are, singing your song?  You think you are the only one with a tune?  Look around you sweet heart, there are others better than you."   Finally, for some reason, Elizabeth's words flashed a light so bright, that it shook me to the core and my fears ran for cover.  It was like Dorothy discovering that Oz was a weak-minded fearful man lurking behind a curtain.  I took pity on my gremlins and realized they were just as tired from chasing me as I was running from them.

Elizabeth Gilbert talked about three voices that everyone carries.  The first voice is the little child afraid of the dark and angry about not getting what she wanted.  Throwing tantrums when she is fearful or uncertain and worried about rejection or failure. Fear, when not understood, can feel so powerful that one can avoid stepping out into the light.  The second voice is the annoying older sister, reminding you that you are not enough, picked your nose when you were a kid and failed at playing the violin.  She is there to stop you from feeling too smart or too capable.  I knew this voice well. I shaped so many decisions based on her opinion because she grew up with me. She knew all of my weaknesses and walked through every single failure with me and wouldn't let me forget them, ever.  With a simple smirk or sideways glance, she could bring me to my knees.   These two voices are so strong, they will fight to stay present.  They will prevent a restful night's sleep replaying stories of lies and be a post-it note of failures the next morning at work.  They can pull you out to sea further and further away from the shore. 

The third voice is your higher self.  Your soul, your spirit, and your true light.  She is the one looking at you in the mirror with the sparkle in her eye.  She is the one that you can never disappoint, shame or hurt.  She is patient knowing you will find your path no matter how many stumbles and tears.  She soothingly hums "Carry on my beloved, you are enough and a gift to this world."  She is the mother you always wanted, your best friend, your loudest cheerleader, your wise mentor, your greatest source of strength and the only one you need to listen to. Your higher self is the one who finds the lessons in set back, without even giving breath to judgement or fear.  Her voice is the lullaby in which you drift off into sleep.  She doesn't need you to prove your worth to her, for she cherishes you, always.  She is the one that allows you to keep loving through the hurt.   Not because you are seeking acceptance from others, but your inner voice understands love is the only way through the dark.   
Love is the language of the Universe and is comfort to our pain. She is hope, she is pure, and she is Grace. She is the one that says "Let it go, keep moving forward, and you are worth it." Your higher self is what you were put on this Earth to discover.  It is the first step in understanding one's path and purpose.  
I realized that my ability to be loved is directly proportionate to the ability in which I love and listen to my higher self. Love can only exist in one's heart when there is true self acceptance and connection.  Everything begins from the point in which one can listen and follow one's inner light. When we connect to self and work with the Universe, not against it, things just begin to flow and our light begins to shine. 

I cannot take another step forward without nurturing this voice.  Yoga strengthens her. Meditation connects me with her voice.  Reiki aligns her with my heart.  As walk I through my life with mindfulness and gratitude, I honor her.  She helps me embrace challenges.   I let her guide me as I stumble.  I see her beautiful colors in a sunset.  I feel her touch in a sweet warm breeze.  I breathe her in as I gratefully walk in the woods.  I see her dance while I watch my daughter laugh and smile.  I connect with my inner voice and spirit when I say "Thank You" even when my day has gone to shit.  She is always present and connects me to the Universe, to Life, and to the Divine. Through meditation, gratitude, yoga and reiki, I have learned how to listen to my higher self.  It is always there, beaming, patiently waiting to be seen, heard and embraced.  My light house. Steady, unshakable and strong. Calling me home.  


Practice:

• Listen to your higher self and find your own way to connect with her.
• Put those fears, tantrums and the judgmental older sibling to rest.  Quiet them, they are so tired.
• Allow your higher self to take the reins and to lead.
• Forgive yourself for your mistakes, own your imperfections and stop hiding behind the curtain. 
• Breathe, take one step at a time. 
• Find gratitude in the little things for those are whispers from the Universe.  

A Book to Remember!

Today I read the book Help, Thanks, Wow by Anne Lamott.  I laughed, I cried, I reflected and reading made me want to spend some time with this eclectic, humorous, deep thinking poet.  My God, I loved reading it.  Have you ever read something and it just hit every nerve in your body, triggered memories and thoughts that sometimes you bury?  That was what it was like, yet it left me feeling as though I am on my way, I am not alone, and my story is one of Grace.  This book talks about three prayers you will ever need are Help, Thanks and Wow, hence the title.  

HELP

This is about how to surrender.  When we feel so rigid and tight as we hold onto the pain, the fear, the judgement, the anger, the resentment, the mess we call our situation and we finally ask for help and let go. We leave it in God's hands, the Universe, the Divine, how ever you want to word it, and wait for the wisdom to seep into our hearts on how to move forward.  I am reminded that I have to be patient.  Life isn't a steady straight shot towards the sky.  It is a wrinkly mess of ups and downs, momentum moving forward and then tripping over our ego and landing with our face flat on the floor.  When we can let go and release the need to have control, we can sit back and surrender.  From there, we can relax, go back to our center and carry on.  This reminded me of mindfulness. Surrender.  Allow God, the Universe, the Divine, however you want to word it, to help you get out of your own way.  Go back to your center, for you are light and love and can surrender. Take time to listen to your heart, to God's whispers, the Universe, to the inner wisdom that we all have inside of us in order to let go and move forward.  One breath at a time. 

THANKS

My favorite part of this book was this quote.  "Gratitude begins in our hearts and then dovetails into behavior. It almost always makes you willing to be of service, which is where the joy resides. It means you are willing to stop being a jerk. When you are aware of all that has been given to you, in your lifetime and in the past few days, it is hard not to be humbled, and pleased to give back."  My God, this made me think.  Anne talked about the little things that we must be grateful for.  The coffee in the morning, the warm socks we get to wear, clean sheets, a sunrise, the rain to water the grass, or the song on the radio that brings back a happy memory. Thank you is so powerful because it gives you a wake up call.  We are so lucky to be here, now, even during the pain, we are still lucky to be breathing.  The cracks that break our hearts let in the light so we can find our way out of the dark.   Say thank you for the dark, the cracks, and the set backs.  In one breath, you can transform the pain into wisdom.  For that alone, one needs to find gratitude.  Gratitude is to give, not take.  Give to others and you will be amazed at how good it feels.  It allows you to see gratitude first hand and take one step out of the darkness.

WOW

This is what I call the "Life is Good" moments.  When we are in awe of the Universe and its wonder, its beauty, its power, and our very own ability to love. Those moments that take one's breath away. Aren't we lucky? We can look at a sunset and feel music in our bones.  We can hold each other in comfort.  We can breathe in fresh air smelling of Lily of the Valley and build a snowman.  We can tell people that we love them and dance.  When we feel connected to those "Wow" moments, we are re-fueled and reborn.  We are as close to God, the Universe, the Divine, our own light as we can ever be and when we can settle into those moments, we are celebrating life. We become one with the Universe. Some say the Universe is within us, for what makes up the stars is the same matter that make our cells, our tissues, and our organs. Wouldn't it be amazingly powerful to look into the mirror every morning and say "Wow" realizing that you are love, you are light and you are made from the dust of stars?   What a magical gift of knowing your worth.  How life changing to be able to tell yourself every day "You are beautiful and it is worth it."

Practice:   

• Surrender- let go of what you can no longer carry.  
• Say Thank You, even for the headaches. 
• Be aware of the "Wow" and "Life is Good" moments that take your breath away.  
• When you breathe you are getting rid of the old and taking in anew.  
• Connect with yourself, your soul, your spirit and your center.  

Remember: 

• It is okay to struggle.  You can endure it.  
• You are not alone. 
• You are one breath away from finding Grace and your journey is beautiful.

Why and How I Meditate

Meditation:

I was taught to meditate by a woman who I admire. To describe her would be to use adjectives as strong, wise, intelligent, driven, and motherly. To me, being with her, always quieted my mind naturally. I wanted to listen to her. She connected with me and created a safe space for sharing and vulnerability. I reached out to her to help me settle my mind and we went for walks, we talked, we meditated and I left her feeling strengthened. I am so grateful for her.

Meditation is something that I do in many different ways. To start, my mentor taught me to always use my breath. Some people listen to music, light a candle, or go to a specific space. But, one's breath can be taken anywhere. One important thing to think about is to sit or walk in a way in which one's spine is straight and aligned. The reason is to allow the spinal nerves an uninterrupted or less stressed pathway. Meditation allows neurons to freely travel back and forth gathering information from your body.

The following steps were taught to me. (Rather than a chair, we used a meditation pillow with my bottom on the pillow and my knees on the floor and my feet tucked under the pillow.)

1.	Sit at your chair with your two feet evenly on the floor and your left hand crossing over your right… right hand holds your left thumb.
2.	Find and look at a focal point or close your eyes.
3.	Inhale through your nose.
4.	Exhale longer than you inhaled and count one as you exhale.
5.	Repeat inhaling and exhaling until you count to 10.
6.	Start over counting to 1 to 10 again.
7.	If you repeat this a few times, you may reach 5 or more minutes.
8.	Think about being in the moment, allowing your feelings or thoughts to run through you.
	Acknowledge them, accept them as present and they will pass.  It is okay to think about plans, worries, anger, or thinking about thinking…. The sooner you see your feelings or thoughts and acknowledge them as a distant presence, they will pass and your mind will have room to clear.
10.	When you get close to the ending, breathe in light using your imagination.
11.	The light is reaching up your toes, through your legs, circling your torso, your lungs, your heart, your neck and face and washing all over you.
12.	As the light stretches out into the sky above you, it carries any heaviness or negativity with it and leaves only light within you.
13.	You can always go in the opposite direction. Light from the sky washing slowly over you from above, wrapping around your head, your your eyes, your neck, your heart, your lungs, your torso, legs and feet...washing away negativity with it, leaving only light within.
14.	Take on the day with a little more peace and mindfulness.

There is really no one way to meditate.  Anytime a person can pause and connect with the breath is time well spent.  It is a practice, a journey, not a final end result.  For me, every bit of time devoted to meditation is like a prayer or a gift offering.  I have meditated at meetings, in my classroom, my home, my car, while walking, and while trying to get to sleep.  

Why do I do it?  I have learned to settle the glitter. My thoughts and fears are signals that I need to listen deeply to my spirit.  The thoughts and fears that I have are simple messages for my soul to cleanse.  I can see my thoughts and fears and my soul holds them with love, without judgement and in turn, I become my greatest source of strength.  My soul and spirit says, "Let go, all is well, you are loved."  To me, the Universe is speaking through me and I feel connected to the Earth and at the same time, I am learning to love myself more deeply.  It truly is magic.   

Why is this healing to me? Because for a long time, I would look for external sources of validation and worth.  I would look for others to accept me as I stood on such shaky ground of confidence.  All the while, I would feel empty and fearful.  Meditation and mindfulness has taught me to search from within and to recognize that my spirit, my soul, my life force, however you want to identify it, has always been present waiting for me to awaken it. Within "It", is a source of all that I am, all the love I can possibly feel, give and receive and where the source of all that I need, begins.  

Try it and I would love to here about your own experiences and stories as you try to meditate.   <3

Yoga Anywhere

Peace  

It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.  -Unknown

This quote sings to me. I love this definition of peace. Sometimes I think I am failing at living mindfully and without compassion if there is unrest in my heart or my space. Finding comfort as I read this quote, I realize that what happens outside my spirit, my center, my soul, or my life force, does not need to control, push or sway me.  
 
Often, a work place can be a setting for unrest, chaos, stress and worry. I shared these yoga poses with a small group at work. My colleagues wanted to know an easy strategy to settle, refresh and let go of tension. Yoga is a great way to bring oxygen into your lungs, increase circulation throughout your body and heart, increase energy flow and release stress.  


You can do this at your desk or work station in less than five minutes. Self-care is essential for your mind, body and spirit. It can build stamina and strength so we can endure the challenges and stresses in our daily lives. Think about these next five poses as little gifts that you can give yourself. Increased oxygen to help your cells conduct cellular respiration, repair and growth. Red blood cells delivered to the organs and tissues throughout the body. Reviving muscles that have been tense and over-used.  


I believe allowing yourself this small amount of stretching can brighten your outlook as you carry on your work. Stretch, breathe, smile. Find gratitude with every breath. Even when you are feeling stressed. Celebrate that you are alive. Tell yourself that you are well and realize you are a gift carrying a loving spirit.  Rejoice in the moment!

Remember to breathe and repeat as often as you need.  

Seated Back-bend:  Re-energizes and stretches back-  breathe.

Seated Twist:  Helps with achy back and digestion.

Desk Shoulder Opener: Helps with hunching and getting shoulders aligned. 

Wrist Release: Helps with forearms and wrist soreness from typing.

Forward Fold: Decompresses neck and shoulders and gives an energy boost.

These poses were taken from the following website:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/meredith-nordhem/office-yoga-poses_b_5604195.html

Other resources:

Beliefnet.com

Yogajournal.com

Divinecaroline.com

To Judge or Be Judged

How does embracing your own imperfections, 

allow you to live with less judgement and fear of being judged? 

I think judgement is a tricky one.  I have learned that for me, judging others is really about feelings of inadequacy or fear.  Thank you Brene' Brown!  I would often judge people who "looked" like they had it together.  Similarly, I would judge others who I perceived as never struggling in life.  If you had joy and ease in your life, boy did I work hard to find fault in you.  Why?  Because in the presence of someone who had it, in my observations, as "easy" would remind me of my own failures, my internal bitterness and how insecure I truly felt about my hardships and self-worth. This may not be the same for you, but if I want to be vulnerable, I need to put myself out there openly.  So that is my truth. I have often read that when we judge others we do this because deep down inside we are judgmental about our ourselves. Oh the irony!

This is where mindfulness and compassion come into play. Compassion. It sounds so gentle.  I can't help but smile when I say that word.  I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't want to be treated compassionately.  But, it is often tricky to deliver.  Thick Nhat Hanh talks about compassionate listening. He introduced me to idea of truly listening without fear and deep listening.  I need to open up my heart, put my own perceptions aside and listen with the focus of reducing the suffering of another. This type of listening is something I am working on.  

In this three minute video, Thich Nhat Hanh describes how to practice Compassionate Listening.

This video really spoke to me.  Not only do I set the intention to practice using compassion with others, more importantly I intentionally use it with myself. When I can accept my imperfections with compassion, I am less judgmental of myself and I can think more clearly.  When I can judge myself less, I slowly begin judging others less, too. I come to the table with less fear.  When I am compassionate, love becomes a driving force.  My self-worth is strengthened, my focus is sharper, and I am less frazzled, anxious or worried.  I let go of the need to find fault in others for fear they will find fault with me.  I try not to get angry in the presence of judgement either. 

As I enter conflict or stressful situations when my fear would be a driving force by finding fault with others, I meditate.   Even in the middle of a meeting.  I breath.  I inhale telling myself "I am present", and I exhale telling myself "I am light and love."  I find my center and I walk into a situation with my light burning brightly from within.  I do not require others to agree with me, validate me or even understand me because my center is strong and I can observe, listen and be compassionate rather than angry or frustrated.  I can stand on my sacred ground and listen with less fear of judgement.  Brene' Brown says, "Don't puff up, don't shrink, just stand your sacred ground."   I am learning to do this and not own the reactions of others. I feel my ability to understand a situation, a perception is heightened and my focus is resolution.  

Practice:

• Breathing when faced with fear of judgment.
• Center yourself before entering into a difficult conversation and listen.
• Brene' says to be brave and have the tough conversations, be vulnerable.
• I sometimes think that vulnerability may translate into allowing myself to be open to another person's thoughts with compassion and let go of my own judgments.
• Practice compassionate listening and think of it as a way to help others suffer less by being present.
• I can be present when I feel centered.  
• Peace becomes the focus, not necessarily being right. 
• My sacred space holds me safe.

Your light, your life source, your beauty, your center is always there.  Whether other judge you is not your worry.  I often feel if I am being judged, it usually stems from the other person's fears.  I try to greet that idea with compassion. I stay in my sacred space and carry on.  

Remember judgment is not leading with love.  It is true that it takes patience and effort at times to be compassionate.  Sometimes I fail and cannot connect with a person when there is conflict. When I am not able to create resolution, I step back.  

Carry On and Maintain Compassion!    

If you struggle, do not try to force it. 

Simply let go without judgment!  It is okay to walk away knowing your
intentions were to help and come from a place of love. Sometimes, a person is struggling too.  Maybe, by being present and standing your sacred ground is just enough to plant a seed inside their heart that will, in time, create reflection.  Maybe, their own perceptions do not allow them to step out of their own fear and see clearly. That is when, at times, I step back and let go while still holding onto compassion from a distance.  I do not puff up, I do not shrink, I just stand my sacred ground.  It feels powerful and calm at the same time.  To be present and come from a place of non-judgement in the face of chaos, to rely on one's light and love through it all, is mindfulness.  It is freeing.  

It's a TRAP!

Fear based thinking is a powerful presence in our mind and spirit.  I often reflect on my own automatic response to react to the world around me in a state of fear.  Fear of disappointing others, fear of losing something I am attached to, fear of failure, or fear of judgement and the list can go on and on.  It is a scary place to be in.   I have learned that fear based thinking is like a trap.   
The work of Brene' Brown identified the source of all fear.  While reading her books, The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly, I learned that fear is a strong force that limits one's ability to use self-care and self-love.  Brene' says, ¨When perfection is driving, shame is riding shotgun and fear is that annoying back seat driver.¨ That is the trap. 

After reading this, I imagined myself in a vehicle, driving with perfection as a goal and two forces moving me forward with their negative and painful road map.  These two forces always remind me of my weaknesses, my failures and they kept me from growing.  Fear based thinking, if you dig a little deeper, stems from shame and a sense of inadequacy.  The trap became a picture in my mind.   I could see myself at the steering wheel never having the courage to get out of the car.  My fear wouldn't let me break away from the path that I was on.  It felt so familiar, the negative self-talk became music to my ears feeding my anxiety.  It became my normal mindset in which I viewed the world. 

Brene' Brown helped me see that it takes courage to stop trying to prove one's worth.  It was exhausting hiding my inadequacies from others.  Consequentially,  this drive negatively impacted my relationships.  I had allowed outside forces and other people's opinions define me.  I was hustling to please.  Being defined by how others saw me created the road map in which my life decisions were made.  I was constantly searching for my destination. Brene's wisdom and research told me it was time to change my course.  I had to take my broken, scarred, imperfect-self and stop.  I consciously decided to focus on the aspects of my life that were good, vibrant and successful.  I started to tell myself, "You are enough!" rather than looking for others to give validation.   YOU have to be the one to fearlessly allow yourself to be free.

Where I see a connection to Brene's ideas and mindfulness, meditation and self-awareness, is that YOU are your biggest cheerleader and supporter.  When we can allow ourselves to be guided through our own divine, to connect with our breath, empower our innate nature to be loving, we are allowing an easy flow from within.  Fear, shame and inadequacy block our light, our spirit, and our soul from flying.  I decided and wanted to discover my own road and define my own journey. 

How do you start finding your own path?  

• Listen to your spirit, your soul, your inner voice. You were born with everything you need to be your best self and to thrive.  You simply have to awaken it. Your thoughts of fear, shame and imperfection only force you to compare yourself to others, leave you wanting and looking outwardly rather than from within.
• Practice thinking mindfully about your perfection within that has never left you.  It may have been overshadowed by your thoughts and fear.  Begin by listening to that inner voice and connect with it through mindful breathing.  
• Let go of the need to avoid disaster, disappointment or even judgement.  It will happen. That is part of the human experience.  We cannot understand joy without sadness, gifts without loss, happiness without suffering.  We cannot grow without making mistakes.

Brene' Brown says to practice leaning into fear.  I do that by being mindful.  I recognize fear and embrace it with love.  I hold it like I would a child who I am comforting.  Meditation allows me to see it, acknowledge it and watch it drift away from me like a leaf floating on a river.  

Fear, shame and inadequacies are my thoughts and do not represent

 my spirit, my soul, my life force or my purpose.  

I have learned to have courage in the face of my fears. That is the trick in life.  To endure the storm so that when it is over, we can witness the breathtaking rainbow.  You will shine on. Brene' says it well when she says:

Practice:

• Mindfulness while facing fear, shame or inadequacies.
• Lean into it!  
• Connecting with your inner spirit, life source, divine, and soul.
• Breathe, observe your thoughts, allow them to pass!

You were built to be challenged. Embrace it!  You are not alone.  Acknowledge feeling uncomfortable with uncertainty, which is healthy and not a reflection of your incompetence.   Fear, shame and inadequacies want you alone in the car so they can push and drive you.  It is okay to step out of the car, stretch your legs, get sunshine on your face, and breathe fresh air into your lungs. Crawl, walk, run. The form doesn't matter, just go and get out of the car.  Reach out to your tribe or support network and share your fears.  Learn to walk in harmony with your spirit and your imperfections as you learn and grow.  Let go of the need to please others. Remember, you are the divine, made from love, built by the dust that made the stars.     

Next Blog Post-  Think about this question as we continue the journey! 

** How does embracing your own imperfections, allow you to live with less judgement and fear of being judged? 

Resources: 

Daring Greatly and The Gifts of Imperfection- Brene' Brown
Ted Talk 1
Ted Talk 2
The Power of Vulnerability Online Course Udemy-  small fee

Resources

Here are some books I have read that have shaped and guided my journey to healing.  Most books have a link to the author's website.  I have attached video links below some listed authors.

Personal Resources:
Conversations with God- Neale Donald Walsch
Video

Daring Greatly and The Gifts of Imperfection- Brene' Brown
Ted Talk 1
Ted Talk 2
Brene' Brown Online Course on Udemy-  small fee to enroll, summarizes the Power of Vulnerability

Peace is Every Step- Thich Nhat Hanh
Conversation with Thich Nhat Hanh

Meditation for Beginners- Jack Kornfield
He talks a lot about forgiveness and turning your heart towards good.
There are a lot of video clips of him speaking on YouTube. 

Mindful Way Through Depression Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness- Mark Willimas, Zindel Segal, Jon Kabbat Zin
Ted Talk

Hands on Health-  Paula Youmell

Neuroplasticity
Video Short
Train your brain to be happy
Neuroscientist Michael Merzenich


Below are resources I have used for teaching students and helping me develop a way to reach younger people about their own light, having a growth mindset, and developing self awareness.  But, more importantly to me, I want to teach them to love; to love themselves, their imperfections, and to view their own mistakes as gifts of learning.  

Teacher Resources:

Quotes to Inspire Great Reading Teachers:  A Reflective Tool for Advancing Students’ Literacy- Cathy Collins Block and Susan E. Israel

Opening Minds: Using Language to Change Lives- Peter H.  Johnston

The Active Classroom: Practical Strategies for Involving Students in the Learning Process- Ron Nash

Ignite the Light-  Vicki Savini

Planting Seeds, Practicing Mindfulness with Children-  Thich Nhat Hanh

How to Teach Thinking Skills Within the Common Core: 7 Key Student Proficiencies of the New National Standards- James A. Bellanca and Robin J. Fogarty and Brian Pete

Teach, Breathe, Learn- by Meena Srinivasan