To Judge or Be Judged

How does embracing your own imperfections, 

allow you to live with less judgement and fear of being judged? 

I think judgement is a tricky one.  I have learned that for me, judging others is really about feelings of inadequacy or fear.  Thank you Brene' Brown!  I would often judge people who "looked" like they had it together.  Similarly, I would judge others who I perceived as never struggling in life.  If you had joy and ease in your life, boy did I work hard to find fault in you.  Why?  Because in the presence of someone who had it, in my observations, as "easy" would remind me of my own failures, my internal bitterness and how insecure I truly felt about my hardships and self-worth. This may not be the same for you, but if I want to be vulnerable, I need to put myself out there openly.  So that is my truth. I have often read that when we judge others we do this because deep down inside we are judgmental about our ourselves. Oh the irony!

This is where mindfulness and compassion come into play. Compassion. It sounds so gentle.  I can't help but smile when I say that word.  I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't want to be treated compassionately.  But, it is often tricky to deliver.  Thick Nhat Hanh talks about compassionate listening. He introduced me to idea of truly listening without fear and deep listening.  I need to open up my heart, put my own perceptions aside and listen with the focus of reducing the suffering of another. This type of listening is something I am working on.  

In this three minute video, Thich Nhat Hanh describes how to practice Compassionate Listening.

This video really spoke to me.  Not only do I set the intention to practice using compassion with others, more importantly I intentionally use it with myself. When I can accept my imperfections with compassion, I am less judgmental of myself and I can think more clearly.  When I can judge myself less, I slowly begin judging others less, too. I come to the table with less fear.  When I am compassionate, love becomes a driving force.  My self-worth is strengthened, my focus is sharper, and I am less frazzled, anxious or worried.  I let go of the need to find fault in others for fear they will find fault with me.  I try not to get angry in the presence of judgement either. 

As I enter conflict or stressful situations when my fear would be a driving force by finding fault with others, I meditate.   Even in the middle of a meeting.  I breath.  I inhale telling myself "I am present", and I exhale telling myself "I am light and love."  I find my center and I walk into a situation with my light burning brightly from within.  I do not require others to agree with me, validate me or even understand me because my center is strong and I can observe, listen and be compassionate rather than angry or frustrated.  I can stand on my sacred ground and listen with less fear of judgement.  Brene' Brown says, "Don't puff up, don't shrink, just stand your sacred ground."   I am learning to do this and not own the reactions of others. I feel my ability to understand a situation, a perception is heightened and my focus is resolution.  

Practice:

• Breathing when faced with fear of judgment.
• Center yourself before entering into a difficult conversation and listen.
• Brene' says to be brave and have the tough conversations, be vulnerable.
• I sometimes think that vulnerability may translate into allowing myself to be open to another person's thoughts with compassion and let go of my own judgments.
• Practice compassionate listening and think of it as a way to help others suffer less by being present.
• I can be present when I feel centered.  
• Peace becomes the focus, not necessarily being right. 
• My sacred space holds me safe.

Your light, your life source, your beauty, your center is always there.  Whether other judge you is not your worry.  I often feel if I am being judged, it usually stems from the other person's fears.  I try to greet that idea with compassion. I stay in my sacred space and carry on.  

Remember judgment is not leading with love.  It is true that it takes patience and effort at times to be compassionate.  Sometimes I fail and cannot connect with a person when there is conflict. When I am not able to create resolution, I step back.  

Carry On and Maintain Compassion!    

If you struggle, do not try to force it. 

Simply let go without judgment!  It is okay to walk away knowing your
intentions were to help and come from a place of love. Sometimes, a person is struggling too.  Maybe, by being present and standing your sacred ground is just enough to plant a seed inside their heart that will, in time, create reflection.  Maybe, their own perceptions do not allow them to step out of their own fear and see clearly. That is when, at times, I step back and let go while still holding onto compassion from a distance.  I do not puff up, I do not shrink, I just stand my sacred ground.  It feels powerful and calm at the same time.  To be present and come from a place of non-judgement in the face of chaos, to rely on one's light and love through it all, is mindfulness.  It is freeing.