Listen to Yourself

Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love said something that literally made me back up and take a moment. She said, and I am paraphrasing,  "Your highest self never speaks to you while it is wagging its finger of judgement at you.  It tells you, always, that you are magnificent, you are loved, you are light, and you got this."  These words literally made my fears and worries tremble.  My insecurities whimpered knowing the gig was up.  Their incompetence had been found out.

My gremlins, as Brene' Brown puts it, had no where to run. They had no power behind their unrelenting voice of self-judgement and negative self-talk.  For so long I walked this Earth carrying dark and deep rooted ideas that I am weak and lacking.  Something finally clicked that told me those thoughts do not represent my true light and do not define me.  They are there in my mind like bullies waiting in the hall.   While my spirit sings, they laugh and say, "Who do you think you are, singing your song?  You think you are the only one with a tune?  Look around you sweet heart, there are others better than you."   Finally, for some reason, Elizabeth's words flashed a light so bright, that it shook me to the core and my fears ran for cover.  It was like Dorothy discovering that Oz was a weak-minded fearful man lurking behind a curtain.  I took pity on my gremlins and realized they were just as tired from chasing me as I was running from them.

Elizabeth Gilbert talked about three voices that everyone carries.  The first voice is the little child afraid of the dark and angry about not getting what she wanted.  Throwing tantrums when she is fearful or uncertain and worried about rejection or failure. Fear, when not understood, can feel so powerful that one can avoid stepping out into the light.  The second voice is the annoying older sister, reminding you that you are not enough, picked your nose when you were a kid and failed at playing the violin.  She is there to stop you from feeling too smart or too capable.  I knew this voice well. I shaped so many decisions based on her opinion because she grew up with me. She knew all of my weaknesses and walked through every single failure with me and wouldn't let me forget them, ever.  With a simple smirk or sideways glance, she could bring me to my knees.   These two voices are so strong, they will fight to stay present.  They will prevent a restful night's sleep replaying stories of lies and be a post-it note of failures the next morning at work.  They can pull you out to sea further and further away from the shore. 

The third voice is your higher self.  Your soul, your spirit, and your true light.  She is the one looking at you in the mirror with the sparkle in her eye.  She is the one that you can never disappoint, shame or hurt.  She is patient knowing you will find your path no matter how many stumbles and tears.  She soothingly hums "Carry on my beloved, you are enough and a gift to this world."  She is the mother you always wanted, your best friend, your loudest cheerleader, your wise mentor, your greatest source of strength and the only one you need to listen to. Your higher self is the one who finds the lessons in set back, without even giving breath to judgement or fear.  Her voice is the lullaby in which you drift off into sleep.  She doesn't need you to prove your worth to her, for she cherishes you, always.  She is the one that allows you to keep loving through the hurt.   Not because you are seeking acceptance from others, but your inner voice understands love is the only way through the dark.   
Love is the language of the Universe and is comfort to our pain. She is hope, she is pure, and she is Grace. She is the one that says "Let it go, keep moving forward, and you are worth it." Your higher self is what you were put on this Earth to discover.  It is the first step in understanding one's path and purpose.  
I realized that my ability to be loved is directly proportionate to the ability in which I love and listen to my higher self. Love can only exist in one's heart when there is true self acceptance and connection.  Everything begins from the point in which one can listen and follow one's inner light. When we connect to self and work with the Universe, not against it, things just begin to flow and our light begins to shine. 

I cannot take another step forward without nurturing this voice.  Yoga strengthens her. Meditation connects me with her voice.  Reiki aligns her with my heart.  As walk I through my life with mindfulness and gratitude, I honor her.  She helps me embrace challenges.   I let her guide me as I stumble.  I see her beautiful colors in a sunset.  I feel her touch in a sweet warm breeze.  I breathe her in as I gratefully walk in the woods.  I see her dance while I watch my daughter laugh and smile.  I connect with my inner voice and spirit when I say "Thank You" even when my day has gone to shit.  She is always present and connects me to the Universe, to Life, and to the Divine. Through meditation, gratitude, yoga and reiki, I have learned how to listen to my higher self.  It is always there, beaming, patiently waiting to be seen, heard and embraced.  My light house. Steady, unshakable and strong. Calling me home.  


Practice:

• Listen to your higher self and find your own way to connect with her.
• Put those fears, tantrums and the judgmental older sibling to rest.  Quiet them, they are so tired.
• Allow your higher self to take the reins and to lead.
• Forgive yourself for your mistakes, own your imperfections and stop hiding behind the curtain. 
• Breathe, take one step at a time. 
• Find gratitude in the little things for those are whispers from the Universe.