It's a TRAP!

Fear based thinking is a powerful presence in our mind and spirit.  I often reflect on my own automatic response to react to the world around me in a state of fear.  Fear of disappointing others, fear of losing something I am attached to, fear of failure, or fear of judgement and the list can go on and on.  It is a scary place to be in.   I have learned that fear based thinking is like a trap.   
The work of Brene' Brown identified the source of all fear.  While reading her books, The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly, I learned that fear is a strong force that limits one's ability to use self-care and self-love.  Brene' says, ¨When perfection is driving, shame is riding shotgun and fear is that annoying back seat driver.¨ That is the trap. 

After reading this, I imagined myself in a vehicle, driving with perfection as a goal and two forces moving me forward with their negative and painful road map.  These two forces always remind me of my weaknesses, my failures and they kept me from growing.  Fear based thinking, if you dig a little deeper, stems from shame and a sense of inadequacy.  The trap became a picture in my mind.   I could see myself at the steering wheel never having the courage to get out of the car.  My fear wouldn't let me break away from the path that I was on.  It felt so familiar, the negative self-talk became music to my ears feeding my anxiety.  It became my normal mindset in which I viewed the world. 

Brene' Brown helped me see that it takes courage to stop trying to prove one's worth.  It was exhausting hiding my inadequacies from others.  Consequentially,  this drive negatively impacted my relationships.  I had allowed outside forces and other people's opinions define me.  I was hustling to please.  Being defined by how others saw me created the road map in which my life decisions were made.  I was constantly searching for my destination. Brene's wisdom and research told me it was time to change my course.  I had to take my broken, scarred, imperfect-self and stop.  I consciously decided to focus on the aspects of my life that were good, vibrant and successful.  I started to tell myself, "You are enough!" rather than looking for others to give validation.   YOU have to be the one to fearlessly allow yourself to be free.

Where I see a connection to Brene's ideas and mindfulness, meditation and self-awareness, is that YOU are your biggest cheerleader and supporter.  When we can allow ourselves to be guided through our own divine, to connect with our breath, empower our innate nature to be loving, we are allowing an easy flow from within.  Fear, shame and inadequacy block our light, our spirit, and our soul from flying.  I decided and wanted to discover my own road and define my own journey. 

How do you start finding your own path?  

• Listen to your spirit, your soul, your inner voice. You were born with everything you need to be your best self and to thrive.  You simply have to awaken it. Your thoughts of fear, shame and imperfection only force you to compare yourself to others, leave you wanting and looking outwardly rather than from within.
• Practice thinking mindfully about your perfection within that has never left you.  It may have been overshadowed by your thoughts and fear.  Begin by listening to that inner voice and connect with it through mindful breathing.  
• Let go of the need to avoid disaster, disappointment or even judgement.  It will happen. That is part of the human experience.  We cannot understand joy without sadness, gifts without loss, happiness without suffering.  We cannot grow without making mistakes.

Brene' Brown says to practice leaning into fear.  I do that by being mindful.  I recognize fear and embrace it with love.  I hold it like I would a child who I am comforting.  Meditation allows me to see it, acknowledge it and watch it drift away from me like a leaf floating on a river.  

Fear, shame and inadequacies are my thoughts and do not represent

 my spirit, my soul, my life force or my purpose.  

I have learned to have courage in the face of my fears. That is the trick in life.  To endure the storm so that when it is over, we can witness the breathtaking rainbow.  You will shine on. Brene' says it well when she says:

Practice:

• Mindfulness while facing fear, shame or inadequacies.
• Lean into it!  
• Connecting with your inner spirit, life source, divine, and soul.
• Breathe, observe your thoughts, allow them to pass!

You were built to be challenged. Embrace it!  You are not alone.  Acknowledge feeling uncomfortable with uncertainty, which is healthy and not a reflection of your incompetence.   Fear, shame and inadequacies want you alone in the car so they can push and drive you.  It is okay to step out of the car, stretch your legs, get sunshine on your face, and breathe fresh air into your lungs. Crawl, walk, run. The form doesn't matter, just go and get out of the car.  Reach out to your tribe or support network and share your fears.  Learn to walk in harmony with your spirit and your imperfections as you learn and grow.  Let go of the need to please others. Remember, you are the divine, made from love, built by the dust that made the stars.     

Next Blog Post-  Think about this question as we continue the journey! 

** How does embracing your own imperfections, allow you to live with less judgement and fear of being judged? 

Resources: 

Daring Greatly and The Gifts of Imperfection- Brene' Brown
Ted Talk 1
Ted Talk 2
The Power of Vulnerability Online Course Udemy-  small fee